I’m thinking Ghost Town, then Adventureland. Should see me through until morning. Then when my mum gets up I might see if she feels sorry enough for me to watch Singing in the Rain with me.
Since my rape I’ve been told that it wasn’t my fault and that it doesn’t change who I am nor how others look at me. Well, I would just like to know why everyone ends up leaving then…If that night and the actions of those three bastards didn’t change the way others look at me, then they’d still be…
My life has been changed forever. I have been changed forever. Because that night he decided to pick a girl off the street and degrade her and humiliate her and make her scream and cry for her life and her dignity and change her forever.
I will never be the same.
But he’s just fine.
No harm done, they say.
The reason I haven’t been on here lately is because I can’t type coherently. Because all I can do is get blind drunk most nights.
I can’t deal with this anymore.
I’ve had a few drinks tonigt, as usual, I just hope I can find a way to stop the pain.
I don’t care if I don’t wake up.
Please, don’t let me wake up.
Oh and they cancelled the group therapy because it’s ‘not worth the bother’.
Awesome.
She’s too nice to be near me.
I need to start updating this blog more often.
Okay, here’s where I am now.
I started having therapy in September. I had four sessions, but my therapist had to take time off because of illness, so I haven’t seen her since November.
I went to the mental health centre that referred me to her to complain that I hadn’t been kept informed about if/when I’d be able to actually see someone regularly, and in the space of a week I had another assessment and now I’m going to be seeing another therapist (closer to my house, and hopefully for the long haul) on Tuesday, and next month I’ll be starting a regular group session to learn coping techniques for people with mental health problems.
My life has been so boring lately, I’m actually looking forward to the group therapy session just because I’m hoping I might make a few friends - if not people that I can actually hang out with (I think that’d be a little too much for me to hope for) then people I’ll see every week and get to know a little.
My brother is dropping off some weed for me tomorrow, since my sleeping issues are as bad as ever.
Because from where I am right now, Google is just posting how his house was destroyed in 2010. Not how he raped me in early 2011. The poor, poor man.
So, Google has taken away any refence to what my rapist did to me when you search his name, but kept previous, unrealated articles that highlight what a lovely person he is.
